Can we all just get along?

[Caramel Dream88]

Why cant young black women get along? It seems like young black women envy eachother, try to compete withe one another. im tired of being in the club or even at church and cant speak to my fellow black women because they are giving me the evil eye! maybe its just where i live (Wilmington, NC) or maybe its all in my head! Am i the only person who feel this way? oh yea! and whats going on with some of our older black women not wanting to grow up? Our older black women are going clubin with their daughters, got young children at home and still go out almost every night. im not here complaining, im just shining alittle light on somethings that needs to change.

[PENNI]

my sista I understand what you mean but all black women are not in competition only the one's insecure about their relationships I for one don't mind if my husband speak to another women older or younger it show respect for our black sistas and you are right we need get off them high horse as my aunt use to say and get along with our fellow sista and brotha's and less stress we will have.

[sunkissed3]

The reason black women don't get along in my opinion, is because we try to compete with each other way too much.. There is a lot of jealousy and alot of us compare ourselves to european standards, then bash each other when one of us don't live up to the standard.

Also, low self esteem in the black community fosters negative images and confidence toward each other.

[V]

Young Black women can get along, I would testify under oath to this, but we have been and remain however victims of circumstances.

Many of us are bombarded daily with images as one Sister noted which set unattainable standards that we become conflicted over in an effort to become. . .let me just say something we are not. Backbiting and Gossip have become the order of the day. But choosing not to be that victim changing the images we feed ourselves is a healthy start.

Then receive the invitation given to you. . .rolled eyes, kissed teeth, all comments under the breath I view as an invitation to share with a Sister who remains a victim. I refuse to roll my eyes or neck. I smile and often times wave. Despite numerous warning and sometime hurt feeling I give each Sister a new chance daily because sooner or later she’ll see I want nothing and offer friendship.

Remember always that change begins with ones self and true self is state of mind.

I read a book once. . .the name of it was Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl?
The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women, by Jonetta Rose Barras. . .I really enjoyed it too.

[Marisa B]

This isn't just a Wilmington, NC issue, its a society wide problem. Media gives us false "beauty" and we embrace them wholeheartedly. What does this do? It creates and fuels self hate. Have you ever heard the term "good hair", what the heck is "good hair"? Its what society has "told" us, and what we have embraced. As for the eyes and neck rolling, ignorance is high within insecurity, regardless of age or environment. This also goes beyond the "black" race. You can't get made over ignorance, instead your head sits higher and your back straighter as you walk with pride. We are a beautiful people, in our many shades and sizes, if we love ourselves others will have no choice but to love, inspite of their jealousness, hate can't survive if we don't fuel its flame. I wish us all enough....

[V]

I agree with you and am happy that we are able to see eye to eye and share

[Lana Reid]

Behaviors are learned and become hard habits to break. Then when you try to do better you get negative feedback so you don’t want to bother. For instance, if I notice a sista giving me that evil look I go out my way to compliment her on something (her shoes, her jacket, her hairstyle) just to break the ice and let her know “I ain’t the one you need to be mad at” but even then some of my fellow sistas meet you with attitude. It takes conscious effort by the masses and not the minority to correct the behavior you see. Maybe a nationwide “Smile at your sista week” and then after that week, the habit of continued smiling is engrained

~Lana
LanaReidOnline
"For The Connoisseur Of Black Men"
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[V]

Did anyone have the opprotunity to read the article in Essence this month which refers to the same issue which we have been discussing here. . .July 2009 edition. . .interesting suggestion Lana Reid "smile at your sister" something to consider

[Taylor F]

I'm a half Black half Native American teenage girl who's currently a senior in high school. I was born in Chicago but grew up in an all white neighborhood. Lately, I've been obsessed with going back to live in Chicago and trying to experience what I've missed.

Many Black girls have recently come to my school from Chicago. I thought it would be nice to attempt to meet some. The thing is, many are the exact opposite of me; I try to be sweet and approachable while many of the girls are loud and intimidating. I don't judge them. It's no secret -- many Black girls are known to explode when pissed off. I definitely do (no worries, because I never throw the first punch.) I admit that when I'm around them and am asked something by them, I get a little scared which is obviously a big mistake.

Another big mistake is me trying to sometimes act like something I'm not. I speak as if I have a typical Chicagoan accent when I don't, because as I've said, I wasn't raised there. It's just that when I speak and act as I normally do, I'm actually called stuff like "Whitey" by some of my African American friends, which leads me to my next point.

I DO have African American friends, born and raised in Chicago. The ones I have get along with the people I'm afraid of. The ones I have aren't so loud..they seem to like to have fun with everybody, while others always seem to stay within a group. I understand this. I stick with a group who were raised where I was raised. And I know that a big part of having a common friendship is being able to relate. I've always lived a pretty safe life. Chicago, depending on where you're at, is NOT safe as many of you might already know.

So, no, I don't get along with many Black women as much as I feel I should..what should I do? Is it just hopeless?